


Dreaming of a White Christmas

by IngridAnne24



Category: Jane the Virgin (TV)
Genre: Christmas fic, F/F, this is just pure holiday sap
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 11:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17141240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IngridAnne24/pseuds/IngridAnne24
Summary: Jane and her family spend Christmas in the mountains and she starts to see a friend in a different way.





	Dreaming of a White Christmas

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write this for awhile and I finally got it done right before Christmas. Happy Holidays everyone!

Ever since Jane could remember, she was a romantic person. She lived on telenovelas and romance novels and loved all of the stupid tropes about falling in love and everything that involved. That included the onslaught of holiday movies on Lifetime and Hallmark channels, where a couple (usually a straight, white couple) got together after a long period of tension before making out in front of the fireplace as it snowed outside. Also, they were in a gorgeous cabin in the mountains.

Because of that, Jane always had this romantic image of Christmas. She loved Christmas growing up, Xiomara and Alba did everything to make sure Jane had great Christmas memories, and she loved them for it, but she always felt like she was missing something. A big family, for one thing; kids around around the Christmas tree, while she and her partner sat together in the kitchen, watching the kids create their own Christmas memories. It was corny, but it was an image Jane couldn't get out of her head. 

And now, she sort of had that. She had Mateo, she had her father, plus she had Petra, and Rafael, and the twins. It wasn't the family she imagined, but she wouldn't change it for anything. She wasn't dating anyone—she and Rafael had amicably broken up awhile back—and she was fine with that. While she was willing to start dating again, she was also really enjoying being single for once. 

There was one thing missing from her idyllic Christmas; the cabin in the mountains. She remembered as a child seeing tv episodes and movies where the family would spend Christmas in a lodge, a fire crackling in the fireplace, snow falling outside. It was her dream. Except, she lived in Southern Florida; no mountains or snow. A minor setback. However, she was Jane—she knew how to research, and once she started researching, it made it a more real thing. She just had to bring it up to her family.

“Ahh, a Christmas in the mountains, it would be just like my made for TV movie: Una Cabaña Nevada en el Bosque,” Rogelio said, with gritted teeth. “That movie was not well-received.”

“Well, it was clearly not in a cabin in the woods, Ro,” Xiomara said. “Janey, it's going to be very cold.”

“I know, Ma. Isn't that the point of Christmas? I've always wanted to see snow on Christmas.”

Xiomara sneered a little bit. “Ehh, I think I'd prefer to be able to wear shorts on Christmas morning.”

“Agreed,” Rogelio said with a grin.

Alba rolled her eyes at them and turned to Jane. “I think it would be a great idea,” she said, in Spanish. “I've never seen snow.”

Jane had only seen real snow once and it was the most magical thing she had ever seen. She wanted Mateo (and now Alba) to experience that. She could picture his wide-eyed stare as he looked up at the falling snow. She wanted that.

“I think we should go,” Jane said. “I think North Carolina.”

“Would the Solano's come too?” Xiomara asked. 

Jane hadn't asked them yet. “Of course.”

“Won't that be weird? You and Rafael being in a cabin together after breaking up?”

“Raf and I are good, Ma. We've talked it over, there are no hard feelings.”

Xiomara made a face. “Really? That doesn't sound like Rafael.”

“What do you mean?”

“Rafael doesn't get over things easily.”

Jane hummed. Her mother was right, but it was the truth; for once their break-up was mutual and their was no guilt-tripping, like in the past. It felt completely grown-up.

“It's fine,” was all Jane could say. Xiomara looked at her for a moment, then nodded.

“And Petra?”

“What about her?”

“Does she want to get back together with Rafael?”

Jane had asked Petra this very question at some point and all she got was laughing. Well, it was laughing followed by a plain “no.” Petra said she was completely over Rafael and that was that. She was also single now. She had been dating a woman named Jo, but Petra admitted they were just dating because Jo was hot, and they broke up a few weeks ago.

“No,” Jane said. 

Xiomara sighed, glanced at Rogelio, who was looking at her hopefully, and shrugged. “Fine, I'm in.”

The next day, Jane texted Petra and Rafael, asking if they were interested. Rafael immediately texted back with: “Sure!” But Petra didn't respond right away, which was weird because Petra always had her phone. It actually took her several hours before she texted back. And she only said: “ok”

As soon as Jane got her response, she texted Petra back: “Are you okay?”

Petra: yeah why?

Jane: You took awhile to write back

Petra: I was busy

Jane could practically hear Petra's sharp tone. Petra was hard to read, but Jane knew Petra well and even through text, she sensed something was bothering her. But she also knew Petra didn't like prying, so she dropped it.

Three weeks later, they caravanned in two rental minivans. The group was a little bit bigger than Jane expected; Rogelio invited Darci and Baby, while Rafael invited his new girlfriend, whom Mateo loved. It wasn't ideal, but Jane was getting her wish of a Christmas with a big family, no matter how weird it was.

Two days later—it was more of a process than Jane anticipated—they arrived. Towards the end of the journey, Jane was starting to regret this plan; until they pulled up to the cabin, surrounded by several inches of snow. Mateo gasped, while the twins grabbed at each other. Rafael couldn't open the door fast enough as the kids poured out of the car, leaping into the snow.

“Your coats!” Jane yelled, picking the coats (which they had specifically bought for this trip) off of the floor of the car.

“I'll get them,” Rafael said before chasing after the kids. His girlfriend followed

The snow crunched under Jane's feet and she looked down, shifting her weight from foot to foot. She crouched down and put her uncovered hand into the snow, feeling how light and powdery it was. The only snow she had seen before was wet and slushy, so this snow was a pleasant surprise.

“I can't remember the last time I saw snow,” Petra said, coming up beside Jane. 

Jane came back up and rubbed at her cold hands. Actually, she was cold all over and realized she had yelled at the kids to put their coats on but wasn't wearing more than a hoodie, herself. She shivered.

“Put a coat on, dummy,” Petra said in a gentle, but chastizing voice. She grabbed Jane's coat from the car and put it around Jane's shoulders. “This is probably the coldest you've been and I don't want Christmas getting ruined by you getting sick.”

Petra was always surprising Jane. She went from being this cold woman who was trying to get the baby Jane was carrying, purely for selfish reasons, to the woman who was a wonderful mother and friend. Who was now rubbing Jane's upper arms.

“Better?” Petra asked.

Jane just nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. She laughed weirdly and stepped away from Petra. “Um, I should help my parents set up.”

She didn't know why she had to leave so suddenly or why she felt weird, but she knew she had to get away. The moment was forgotten as she stepped into the cabin and was met with loud voices and a screaming baby. Rogelio and Darci were arguing about something regarding Baby, Baby was crying probably because of unrelated reasons, and Xiomara and Alba were fussing at each other. But rather than get stressed out about it, Jane smiled at the scene because this was the way it was meant to be. Then she jumped in try to diffuse some of the various situations. 

Later that day they went to a Christmas tree farm. It took a while, because another argument erupted whether the tree should be taller than wide or be a big, fat tree, and then went species of tree. Normally Jane would all be about the intricacies of picking out a tree, but she wasn't quite feeling it this year, so she stepped away. The snow was deeper in certain spots and Jane's short legs were having trouble in it. Then she heard someone come up behind her, someone who knew how to move through the snow.

“Hey, Petra,” she said, not needing to turn around. 

“Where're you going? I thought you'd be on top of this stuff.”

“Just not feeling it,” Jane mumbled.

Petra sighed. “I know what you mean.”

“You know...” Jane started very carefully. “We haven't really talked about... I mean, if you're not ready, I get it.”

“No, I probably should. Not talking about things is what got me into this mess.”

Jane waited a few moments before asking: “Do you miss her?”

“Of course, I loved her. Love her.”

Jane swallowed. “You still love her?”

Petra went quiet and Jane wished she hadn't asked that. Petra had a habit of closing off when she was uncomfortable, and while Jane was pretty good at getting Petra to open up, sometimes it was impossible. 

Petra kicked the snow around. “Of course. But...” she added with a stern puncuation, “I've accepted it. I've accepted I messed up and I've accepted that JR couldn't move on from that. It wasn't fair to her and we would always have that thing hanging over our heads.”

Jane agreed that Petra messed up and she understood why JR was as angry as she was, but she also knew Petra and she knew that Petra's first instinct was to protect herself. She didn't lie to hurt JR, but rather to protect herself and her daughters. If Jane could take away anything from what she learning from knowing Petra was that things weren't always black and white.

“I'm sorry,” was all Jane could think of to say. The response was a shockingly soft look from Petra and a slight smile.

“Thank you.”

The two held their gazes for a few moments and a chill went up Jane's spine, probably because of the cold. Jane opened her mouth to say something, but Petra turned her head and a wide smile broke out across her face. Jane followed her eye and saw a beautiful tree just up ahead.

“That's it,” Petra said.

“It's perfect.”

After they gathered the family together, Rafael set to sawing the tree down, which started to take longer than expected. Rogelio offered to help, but admitted he had only pretended to cut a tree down when he played a lumberjack once. Rafael was getting annoyed when everyone was offering advice, until he thrust out the saw and said, “fine, whoever wants to do it can do it!”

Petra snatched the saw away and shooed Rafael out of the way. She seemed to know what to do as she quickly got the tree separated from the stump. Jane wasn't really surprised Petra knew how to do that, but it was still pretty impressive.

“Jane, grab the middle,” she said. 

When Jane did, the two women hoisted the tree up and Xiomara grabbed it from the other side, helping them carry it through the snow.

Everyone was freezing by the time they got back, so Alba went to make hot chocolate. Jane was especially cold and couldn't seem to get warm. She just wasn't used to this weather and being in the snow for a long time didn't help. A hot shower sounded nice. There was only two bathrooms in the cabin and one of them was being used—the bigger one, of course. Jane didn't care, though; a shower was a shower.

If she hadn't been so focused on how cold she was, she would have noticed Petra go upstairs. But she didn't, so it was a surprise to see Petra in a state of undress in the middle of the bathroom, her bare back exposed. Why it caught Jane off guard, she didn't know. She grew up with women, she watched Petra give birth, but something about Petra's long back really threw her off.

Petre caught Jane in her peripheral and turned slightly (slightly because her top was completely naked), a slight pink tinging her cheeks.

“Sorry, I should've said I was going to take a shower,” Petra said.

“No, it's okay, I didn't see you go upstairs.”

Petra's face wasn't betraying her embarrassment, but the redness in her ears was telling Jane otherwise. Jane cleared her throat.

“I should... go help Abuela with the hot chocolate,” Jane said quickly, accidentally giving Petra's back one last look before she hastily left the room.

“You okay?” Xiomara said as Jane came down the stairs. “I thought you were taking a shower.”

“Uh... later,” Jane mumbled. “Abuela, uh, I'm gonna help her.”

Alba was just about to serve the hot chocolate when Jane came into the kitchen. Jane quickly took the tray from her grandmother.

“Gracias, mi amor,” Alba said. But when Jane half-heartedly looked at her, she asked, “What's wrong?”

“Nothing, Abuela,” Jane sighed. Alba sighed right back at her.

“I know you, Jane,” Alba said in Spanish. “Is it Michael?”

“No, it's... nothing. Really.”

But Alba continued to stare at her. The problem was that Jane didn't know what was wrong, which she admitted to Alba. Alba's face softened. She took the tray from Jane and put it down.

“Mi amor...” She put her hands on either side of Jane's face. “Maybe talking about it will help you figure it out.”

Jane didn't know how communicate it. All she could get out was: “Petra.”

Alba didn't seem to expect this because she frowned a little bit and Jane suddenly wanted to leave the room, but Alba softened again. “Whatever it is, I'm sure you'll figure it out.”

Alba kissed Jane on the forehead, then took the tray into the living room, leaving Jane by herself. Was this really about Petra, or was she just feeling lonely because Rafael was here with his girlfriend? Or because Michael was... wherever he was. Except, Jane felt closure with both of them, so it wouldn't be them. Maybe it was just the season and all of her emotions were at the surface.

For now, she pushed it out of her head and joined everyone in the living room. Petra was there, sitting by the fire. They locked eyes and Jane felt that chill again.

Again, she was going to push it out of her head. She had to. Luckily Rogelio brought board games and that took Jane's mind of it for a few hours. They played until the kids were falling asleep, and continued on after the kids were put to bed. Jane couldn't decide who was a worse loser; Rogelio, Xiomara, Darci, or Petra. Starting a game of Monopoly at 10pm was a bad idea because it was nearly 2am when Alba came out of her room (she went to bed shortly after the kids did) and told them all to go to bed.

Jane told Rafael he could have the room with the kids, while she would sleep out on the couch.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I like the idea of sleeping by the fire,” Jane said. 

“Petra?” Rafael asked. “There's room on the bed with me.”

Petra made a slight face, which almost made Jane laugh. Then she said, “I brought a cot, I'll sleep in here with Jane. If that's alright with Jane.”

Jane's face dropped. “Uh, yeah, that's fine.”

“You don't have to look so disappointed. I don't snore, I promise.”

“No! No, I would like that,” Jane said. She really would.

Soon the house was still as everyone settled in their beds. Jane tried to convince Petra to sleep on the couch, while Jane could sleep on the cot. The couch was pretty big and Jane felt like she would fit on the cot better than Petra, but Petra declined.

“I'm perfectly fine,” Petra said sternly, before smiling gently.

Jane started to cuddled up into her spot on the couch, trying to get warm. It wasn't cold in the cabin, it was actually very comfortable, but Jane was still adjusting. With the fire providing enough light, Jane turned off the light.

“Merry Christmas Eve, Petra,” Jane said, her eyes closed.

There was the sound of movement and Petra's voice came closer than Jane expected. Jane opened her eyes and found her cot now right next to the couch.

“Merry Christmas Eve, Jane.”

Petra yawned and smiled sleepily at Jane. “I hope the kids like their presents.”

“They will,” Jane said. “And I hope you like yours.”

Petra's eyes were already closed but she chuckled. “You didn't have to get me anything.”

“I do, because I know you got me something.”

Petra made a noise in her throat, but couldn't gather the energy to actually respond. Jane watched as Petra fell asleep, and just as Jane was starting to drift off too, she noted how pretty Petra was and her last conscious thought was: uh oh.

Jane forgot about her little revelation, briefly, as she woke up the next morning to the loud voices of children. She forgot until she felt a warmth in her hand and quickly realized she was holding someone's hand; Petra's. Without thinking about it, Jane yanked her hand away, waking up Petra.

“Hm?” Petra lifted her head up, her eyes still closed. She looked at Jane through squinted eyes. “Oh, good morning.”

“Good morning, Petra.”

Jane slowly remembered the image of Petra lying beside her, falling asleep, and her face felt hot.

“Petra, uh...”

“Mom! Look! The tree's up!” Mateo shouted.

Mateo was right, someone had put the tree up early this morning. No ornaments—that was something they'd all do—but some Secret Santa had set it up.

“Yes, I wonder who could have done that,” Rogelio said dramatically.

“You put it up,” Anna said.

“It was definitely him,” Elsa agreed.

“No, it was Santa,” Mateo said.

“Santa,” Anna said with emphasis, she might as well just said it in air-quotes, “doesn't set up Christmas trees and he doesn't come Christmas Eve night.”

“Says who?” Mateo asked.

“Mommy,” Elsa said with a pointed finger at her mother. 

Petra looked caught. “Uh, girls, if Mateo says Santa did it, Santa did it. Don't poke holes.”

“Yes, Mommy,” the twins grumbled.

“Why don't you see what you can help Abuela with?” Jane suggested to the kids.

“Sorry if I woke you two up,” Rogelio said after the kids left. “Rafael is a bit clumsy and you two looked so cozy.”

Jane's face felt flush. “No, you were fine. We should be getting up anyway.”

Petra glanced at Jane as she got up to get ready for the day and after Petra passed her, Jane flexed the hand that had been holding Petra's, trying to get the tingly feeling to go away.

They had a light breakfast as Alba had a big dinner planned. She wanted them to go to church, but it was starting to snow again and the closest church was not Catholic (it was Presbyterian), and Alba and Jane were the only ones semi-interested in going, so it was dropped. As a compromise, Rogelio promised to do a dramatic reading of the Christmas story, followed by a dramatic reading of Twas the Night Before Christmas.

Breakfast was followed by tree decorating, which the kids were into for maybe twenty minutes before they got bored. Jane was getting anxious about how they were decorating the tree anyway (was it so hard to space the ornaments out evenly?) so as soon as they left, she fixed it.

Rafael and Dani (Rafael's girlfriend) were giggling and being cuddly with each other, so Petra moved over to Jane. “I'd take your anal retentiveness over that,” she said, pointing at the couple. “It's gross.”

Jane almost brought up the fact that that was what Petra looked like when she was first with JR, but that seemed like a bad idea. “Very gross. At least he's happy though.”

“I guess.”

Petra was smirking though, meaning she was semi-joking. Jane knew she was happy that Rafael was happy. They had all been through too much together to hope for anything less. Jane took one of the ornaments that the kids had put too low and reached over her head to put it up, but it wasn't quite reaching.

Long fingers took the ornament from Jane. “Here?” Petra asked, placing it where Jane wanted when Jane nodded. 

Jane grabbed another ornament and held it out to Petra. “I want it near the top, can you reach?”

Jane felt like a moron, the way she said that. She could easily get a step ladder, but instead she was... well, she was flirting, no question about that. She didn't know if Petra sensed that, though. Either way, Petra took the ornament from Jane, her fingertips brushing Jane's knuckles—more than they needed to—and placed the ornament just below the star on top.

Petra looked down at Jane while Jane looked up at Petra. Petra's expression was stone-serious and Jane found herself swallowing a dry lump in her throat. Then, Jane saw a twitch in Petra's lips, followed by her long neck flexing. Jane could see a tiny bit of Petra's teeth peeking through the slight cleft in her lips, which Jane was now staring at. Jane started to reach up to Petra's shoulders, when a loud voice caused both of them to jump.

Mateo came running in. “Mom! Aunt Petra! We're gonna have a snowball fight, come on!”

It was not up for discussion apparently, as Mateo grabbed Jane's hand and pulled her towards the coat rack. Jane and Petra met each other's gaze as they were led towards the door, trying to comprehend what almost happened. It would have to be discussed later, as Jane and Petra hastily put on their winter gear and followed the 6-year-old out the door.

That competitive nature came out again and Xiomara and Darci were taking their frustration out with snowballs on each other, while Rogelio stood back with Baby, before going in to help Alba with dinner. The kids found it funny to gang up on their dad, which Petra and Jane joined in on. They spent a nearly two hours out there, until they were all somehow both cold and hot, soaking wet, exhausted, and extremely happy.

Jane, again, forgot about this weird thing going on with Petra. Until Petra, beaming, turned to Jane with a big, toothy smile and Jane remembered it all over again.

After they all went inside to dry off and warm up before dinner, Jane pulled Xiomara aside.

“I need to talk to you. Now.”

“Finally, I've been waiting for this,” Xiomara sighed.

Jane frowned at her, a little confused. Xiomara rolled her eyes. “I'm your mother, Jane. What the hell is going on with you and Petra?”

Jane almost said “what do you mean” but realized she wanted to talk about this in the first place. “I wish I knew, Ma. It feels like it came out of nowhere.”

“Did it, though?”

“What do you mean?” Jane genuinely meant that.

“You've known Petra for, what, seven years? How much have you two been through?”

“A lot, I guess.”

“That's an understatement, Janey. Look, it took me and your dad a while to really get together; we had our ups and downs.”

“Understatement,” Jane mumbled, which earned her a sharp look.

“Anyway, I'm not saying you and Petra are meant to be together, or something, but you two have history. It was only a matter of time before it turned into something else.”

“But why now?” Jane asked. “We've spent a lot of time together before, so why now?”

“Maybe it's been there longer than you realized,” Xiomara said. And with that, Xiomara got up, leaving Jane with that cryptic thought. 

Had it really been there before, without Jane seeing it? Why wouldn't she see it? Maybe Adam was right, she was so deep in her heteronormativity that she couldn't see her own attraction to women? But this wasn't any woman, it was Petra. Petra Solano. It took a while for them to even become friends, and now Jane couldn't imagine it any other way. But at the same time their friendship felt a little... strange, now that Jane was thinking about it. She loved their friendship, but it felt so different than any other friendship than she ever had. Jane had chocked it up to their rocky start, and maybe that was part of it, but after what she had been experiencing this week, it had to be more than that. She just couldn't completely believe it. It was Petra.

“Jane, sweetie, I know you're processing this, but you've been sitting there for two minutes in complete silence. Plus, you've been going through an amazing face journey. Are you okay?”

Jane nodded. “I think I need to talk to Petra.”

Finding a moment to talk to Petra proved more difficult than Jane expected, but that was okay because Jane needed to to figure out what the hell she was going to say. Or, she'd reconsider saying anything at all because what if Petra didn't share the same feelings or this crush was just a fluke, brought on by the romanticism of the holiday.

The day was passing quickly and soon it was time for dinner. Jane decided to hold off, because she didn't want the dinner to be potentially ruined by any drama.

After the table was set (perfectly, by Rogelio), Alba's delicious food was brought out. She had really outdone herself.

“This looks amazing, Abuela,” Jane said as she helped put the serving dishes down. “Feliz Navidad.”

“Feliz Navidad, mi amor.” Alba glanced over Jane's shoulder. “I made some borscht for Petra, why don't you bring this over to her?”

Jane knew what her grandmother was getting at. “Abuela, hush...”

This didn't stop Jane from looking over at Petra, who was delicately folding napkins and had changed into a sleeveless red dress. It was a little too tight for a Christmas dinner and probably would fit in better in Southern Florida, but still... Petra really knew how to wear a dress.

A sharp elbow caught Jane's side. “Go, sit,” Alba said.

Jane took a spot near the middle. Petra sat beside her.

“You look nice,” Jane said.

“Thank you. This dress was sort of stupid. I'm so used to warm Miami weather.”

Petra smoothed out her dress and Jane watched her. Petra quickly glanced at Jane, but averted her eyes from Jane's gaze, staring straight ahead. Jane could see that redness in Petra's ears again. The clinking of silverware on glass pulled Jane's attention away. Rogelio wanted to make a toast before leading them in prayer. The toast ended up being nearly five minutes long, while the prayer was barely half that. Xiomara had to eventually pull him down.

“Let's eat,” she said.

A dinner that took all day to prepare was done in about fifteen minutes. Everything was delicious, of course, and Jane wished she could eat more. Even Petra, who didn't like to eat a lot in front of people, had two servings of everything.

“The borscht was delicious, Alba,” Petra said. “Thank you so much for making it.”

“De nada, Petra. I'm glad you like it. I wasn't sure if I got it right.”

“You definitely did.”

Jane didn't really like borscht, but she had eaten some anyway, for Petra. If Petra had noticed Jane's sacrifice, Jane didn't know. 

“It was... yummy,” Jane said, taking another bite of it, trying really hard to not make a face. She caught Petra looking at her, her eyebrows raised. Jane was sure she saw a little smirk on Petra's lips.

“When we are done, we will go to the living room and I will perform a stirring rendition of Twas the Night Before Christmas,” Rogelio announced when dinner was winding down.

The kids all clamored into the living room, taking spots next to the fireplace. Rogelio had strategically placed a chair in front of the fireplace, which would serve as his reading spot (that's what he told Jane earlier). Jane sat on the couch. Petra had disappeared, but a few moments later, returned wearing flannel pajamas, which Jane didn't even know she owned. She sat down beside Jane.

“I bought these for this trip,” Petra explained. 

Petra went from looking hot to being utterly adorable. Jane felt like this was all one big prank, just to get her to admit her feelings for Petra. If it was, it was working.

After everyone was sitting, Rogelio turned down the lights and started. He had clearly been rehearsing this because he was barely looking at the book in front of him, but it was working because he did it so well because he even had the adults attention. Nobody said anything. There was only Rogelio's booming voice and the crackle of the fire.

“Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night...” Rogelio finished off with a gentle voice. He hoisted Baby onto his lap and kissed her forehead. “And now, if you do not want to miss Santa Claus, you children should be in bed.”

Rafael, Dani, Rogelio, Xiomara went into the kitchen to clean up, while Darci and Alba went up with the kids to get them ready for bed. This left Petra and and Jane alone. Neither of them said anything and the awkwardness was stifling.

They both turned to each other, saying the others name at the same time.

Petra sighed. “What's going on, Jane?”

“What...”

“You know what. There's something going on, between us. I know you feel it. You've been acting weird with me all night.”

“I'm not acting weird, I just don't know what to say.”

“You know I don't like beating around the bush,” Petra said, her voice becoming increasingly annoyed.

“Petra...” Jane said in a low voice. That was all she had to say, because Petra softened almost immediately. “You're not saying anything either.”

“Because I don't know what to say either,” Petra admitted. “What the hell is this?”

Jane half-laughed. “I wish I knew.”

Petra combed her fingers through her hair. “It doesn't make sense.”

Jane, gathering all of her strength, took Petra's hand. “Maybe it does, though.”

Petra momentarily squeezed Jane's hand, but pulled her hand away when Rafael and Dani rejoined them. Jane gave Petra a look, trying to communicate that they'd talk about it later. Unfortunately, Dani was pretty chatty and she kept them up for awhile. Then Rogelio and Xiomara and Darci came back, who were all chatty. Jane kept making herself yawn, trying to tell them that she wanted to go to bed, but they weren't getting the hint.

Leave it to Petra to stand up and say, “I'm ready for bed. Good night, Merry Christmas.”

That did it and a few minutes later, Petra and Jane were alone in the room, which was only lit by the fire. They took their same places from last night (Jane on the couch, Petra on the cot) but they pushed the cot right next to the couch. They didn't say anything to each other for awhile, but just lay there, staring at each other.

“This is just difficult to wrap my head around,” Petra finally said. “It's not that I don't... maybe, feel something for you, but you're Jane.”

“And you're Petra.”

“Right... and maybe this is just us--”

“Being lonely.”

“Right.”

Jane held her hand out and Petra took it, both smiling a little bit at the sensation. “But maybe that's not it, Petra. Maybe... it's been there. Does it really seem that crazy?”

Petra leaned on her elbow, propping her head up. “Okay, can I admit something to you?”

“Sure.”

“Remember when you thought I was in love with you, because Raf thought I was talking about you when I was talking about JR?” Jane nodded and Petra continued. “And I overreacted and acted like the idea of being with you was disgusting?”

Of course Jane remembered, she had been very offended by that. “Yeah.”

“Well, while maybe I didn't like you then—in that way—a few years ago...” Petra suddenly sat up. “I think I might have... felt something for you.”

Jane lifted her head up, getting a better look at Petra. “Felt something?”

“It might have been a crush, I don't know, but after I got together with JR, I started reflecting on my past relationships. I remembered that moment when I was hiding Ivan's dead body and I had to make you go away, by pretending I didn't want to be friends with you. I remembered how awful I felt, the idea of not being friends with you, the idea of not getting to spend time with you. And the idea of you being so angry with me, I kept thinking about it.”

Petra rarely let herself be so emotionally open and Jane just wanted to pull her into hug.

“At the time I thought that was just how friends feel about friends because I didn't really have friends, but looking back... I realized it was probably more than that.”

“And now?” Jane asked in a quiet voice.

“Now, something feels different, I can't explain it.”

Jane knew exactly how Petra felt, but Jane hadn't gotten the chance to reflect the same way Petra had. This all felt really new to her, so she was having more trouble communicating it, which Jane rarely had a problem with. She was a writer, so she usually had a better grasp of her emotions than a lot of people, Petra especially. But right now it was flipped.

“It's something that's been there, below the surface,” Jane said. “Maybe the silly romanticism of Christmas was what I needed to see it.”

Petra stared at Jane for a moment before leaning over and placing a careful kiss to her lips, leaving her plenty of time to stop the kiss if Jane wanted to. She didn't though, and she took the back of Petra's head and pulled her close. Petra's lips were soft and full and Jane had never really imagined kissing Petra, but it seemed just right.

Petra crawled over the cot and onto the couch, without breaking contact with Jane. Jane's fingers weaved through Petra's soft hair, pulling slightly, while Petra cupped Jane's face between her hands. The kissing was slow, not overly aggressive, and they kissed lazily for a while, until Jane couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. Petra tucked herself in behind Jane, between Jane and the backrest of the couch.

“I like you, Jane Villanueva,” Petra whispered, half-asleep, her lips just next to Jane's ear.

“I love you too, Petra Solano.”

They fell asleep to the crackling fire, warm and cozy. Jane awoke sometime later to Xiomara and Rogelio sneaking downstairs to put presents under the tree. Through bleary eyes, Jane could see Xiomara smirking at her. Too tired and comfortable to care, Jane just smiled.

“Merry Christmas, Janey.”

“Merry Christmas, Mom.”

Rogelio looked a little bit confused as Xiomara gently pulled him out of the room. He would surely have questions later. As Petra curled into Jane, savoring the peace before the kids would come racing downstairs, Jane could only think about how perfect this felt. She wanted to soak this moment in because she didn't know what was next, judging by her past experiences with relationships. But right now, it was perfect.


End file.
